To Shannon..

Shannon this guy really freaks me out.. get him away from me... I don't want to hurt him but he's scaring the living shit out of me.

Tumbling- In Lincoln?

So I was looking up where to take tumbling classes at. The only place that I found that is what i'm looking for is in Lincoln. But i'm thinking about it. It's only $40 a month. That's a lot better than Elite Cheer was. The only problem is that it's so far away! I guess I could go visit Julianne while I was in Lincoln. The class would be on Saturday. Decisions decisions..

I Stand Corrected

I thought it was just a joke when Jose was telling me how much Nick liked me. Well he told me that I should go out with Nick. I made a remark that I don't go out with people who do drugs. Nick said that he didn't do any bad drugs. I told him drugs are drugs no matter how he puts it. How do you think my friend started, now he's dead. I told him I was not about to start a relationship with someone who depended on drugs more than they would depend on me. When I asked Nick if he was serious that he liked me and he wasn't joking he said he wasn't joking and he really liked me. I told him to prove it. He said he didn't know how. I told him if he liked me so much and he really wanted to go out with me that much that he'd find a way to prove it. Well he just did. He stopped doing drugs. Heck he even stopped smoking. I didn't care about that, he's 18 so it's legal. Not preferred but i'm used to it. Maybe I can get him to go to church ^_^ lol just kidding I'm not gonna make him believe in something that he doesn't. But i'm still completely shocked and amazed. Ohh if Justin finds out he's gonna flip. So therefore I do stand corrected, he really does like me... more than I thought he would.

p.s. to Brian. Fine you win I manipulated someone. BUT HEY IT WAS IN A GOOD WAY!

Hmm

Well i'm thinking I might go back to writing in my other blog. Might come here occasionally when I get tired of e-mailing. But anyway. I'm mad. I didn't wake up in time to go to church today. My alarm clock never went off. GRR!! I'm also really getting tired of people judging me that don't know me. They think i'm this horrible person and i'm not. I've always thought about other people, I put other people before myself. I never think about by own happiness. It's something that I've realized that I'm not supposed to have. Because for all that i've been through I've helped others because of it. Like the people that have now recovered from anorexia, bulimia, self-mutilation, depression, suicidalness (for lack of a better term), and abusive relationships with boyfriends and even drug addiction. My sister was a drug addict. I hope to God that she isn't anymore. So i'm still not getting why i'm a horrible person. I'm never rude or mean to anyone. I always smile at people whether I like them or not. No rude comments or gestures behind their backs. And if they have problems I help them. And I can't even tell you how many times i've almost been fired from work because my friends know that they can count on me anytime. One time I walked out of my job because one of my friends needed me. I've talked on the phone with some of them for long periods of time at work because they had a problem and they needed me. Sometimes they came in crying to me because they know that to me they are more important than my job. One of my ex-boyfriends broke up with me because right as we were about to leave to go somewhere that we had been planning for a while one of my friends called me and she was extremely upset so I cancelled on him to go to her house. Turns out she had been raped. Point is I always put others before myself. But for some reason non of my friends parents even like me. They all hate me and I really can't understand why. If it's because I didn't go to college this semester it's because I didn't have the money. I'm not like them who's families can afford to send their kids off to college. I have to pay for it ON MY OWN. No student aid. No financial aid. And my car took a lot of work so it drained that option out. I have two jobs right now. One I work on the weekends and the other I have every weekday. I work with kids on the weekdays at a daycare. I started out working 11-6 but then they had to cut hours so I now work 2:30-6 and usually get off half hour early. So yay now I get to go find a third job. Now I don't know if any parents are reading this, I don't know how they would have even gotten the address to here but if you're one of the parents that think i'm a horrible person because I didn't go to college and you never think I work, well then i'm very sorry but you're wrong. I work very hard. I don't have the luxury of my family paying for everything. Most of my friends families will pay for their kids car repairs. I pay for my own. I pay for my own groceries, my own clothes, my own car, my own car repairs, my liscensing (sp?), registration, college, my own gas, my car insurance. I think the only think that I don't pay for is rent, and medical. Oh and I'm moving out in June. So i'm still not getting how i'm a horrible person. Please unless you know me don't judge me. Because chances are you're wrong about the type of person that I am. You don't even begin to scratch the surface. Anyway my food is done. I'm gonna go eat. Then I get to go to work. I've recently been told that I work too much.. oops.

PayDay! -written a long time ago

I love payday! But I really do hate car insurance. It takes away from the happiness of my wonderful payday. Yea so anyway, I don't know, just thought i'd share with everyone how great payday is. Wow i'm weird. And yea i'm going now.. bye..

HeyGod.net 8/19/2004 5:53pm

So I was driving in my old neighborhood in LaVista and I drove by a house that had posters in their yard that said "need a prayer?" then underneath it said "HeyGod.net." So I went there and asked them to pray for my friends friend Jill whose sister was just diagnosed with leukemia. I hope it works.

This Blog

So I guess I really should explain something for the people that are reading this blog. I am not the only person that writes in this. There are about five other people. I met them at fictionpress.com. As far as I know only two have posted something. The 'kick ass pledge' and the one with no title that talked about crying all day. So all who read this don't judge me by the way the posts on this blog. I guess I should have put this post first. So to all who have already judged me by this blog. I am very sorry and hope you have realized that you shouldn't judge people by things like this because you really don't know if they wrote it or not. Maybe i'll go post some things from my old blog because that was mine and no one elses.

Today just sucked. I've cried freakin all day. I'm trying to tell myself to let go and I thought that I had but then I realized that I haven't I was just hiding it. Then this freaking song came on and it made me cry again. I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown.. again.

Post From Julie---a

Hi I love you all!!! hehe. oh, life is good right now.
BOOBAH!!!!! DEDEDE!!! BOOBAH!!

I Am Loved hehe

So yea I said to Nick today that I loved him and he said "i love you too" only he actually sounded serious... creepy eh? I thought he was incapable of feeling anything like that. I know that he's afraid to show feelings or emotions toward anyone. He doesn't want them. I can understand why though because i've been there. There was one person however who taught me a very important lesson. And now I realize that once you let yourself have those emotions again, you can never get rid of them. Now I remember why I always used to say that love sucks. Because it's never ending. And well he knows who he is but no matter what he thinks I do still love him. But to him i'd just like to say i'm sorry but it just wasn't working at that point in time. Right now i'm 18, i'm young, I just want to go out and have fun and party with my friends! I hope he understands. But it's just that he acts like he's 40 and I can't handle that. I'm not ready to be grown up yet and until I am i'm just not ready for that. I still love him, more than anything in the world. He gave me the greatest gift of all. How to feel again.

Just Realized Something

I forgot to say goodbye. He left today. I didn't say goodbye. I'll probly never see him again. He's gone.